u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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