There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
