so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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