I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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