I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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