Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
