This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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