i already hear my dad disowning me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
