"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
