I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Swine flu is the new snow day.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
