the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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