As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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