well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
