Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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