just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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