he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
