omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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