sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
