We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
