my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
