well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
