i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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