i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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