yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
