well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
