so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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