I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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