i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
