guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
