I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i dont even know how to be here
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
