wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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