VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
