Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
