You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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