I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
