now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
