based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
