why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
