just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
