Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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