don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
