guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
