They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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