Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
