i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
