his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
