Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
