Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
