Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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