trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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